As is coming to an end.final paper on thurs.its surreal.this paper qualification determines my future.well kinda,most likely.annd its scary when u do average and not well enough to enter to the course in university that you want.thats life and nightmare in singapore.paper chasing society.godddd.but in the meantime....its gonna be partyyyyyyy.haha.aft thurs that is.

22nd-sentosa with the class
23rd-spend with touchers
24th-vera's touch carnival
25th-cousins day out
26th-
27th-
28th-7even's nightout

and many more to come baby.hahahaha.single's fun.and boring,at times.went to watch game plan yest with weiqi and mabel.then sat at cartel and talked till the sun went down literally.haha.talked bout everything! i really missed those times where i could relax and some cafe and just past the time there.=((( dont worry cheryl, 2 more days!!!!!

the angst of my life.hah. its As. the all-so-mighty As. the paper that confirms ur life. i dunno.didnt do any real studying today.dammit.its econs la.i dont like econs. on another note, i came across this blog.and one post that really strucked me.the situation she was in was exactly the same as mine.and i mean exactly.its rare to find ppl that understand.and even rare to find ppl that go thru the exact same thing in relationships. i dont think i wanna think bout any relationship for any time soon.and i mean it.but sometimes at this point in life,one of the lowest,u find that u need someone to be there,but i have friends.haha.. i dont trust anyone cept a few.yeah,not even K. too complicated man.haha.yeah we're close but not that close.i dunno why ppl keep putting us together.crazy.i dont like it.that ppl automatically assumes.anw, he said we're going for lunch aft As.it think it'll be forgotten.haha.we'll see.being the psychic him all.

i really wanna do well for my As.hopefully 3 As.

shit.its more than just infatuation with the ex.i dunno.was really bummed that he didnt go to sch on mon=couldnt see him.anyohow,it turned alright fine with dinner.i feel the green eyed monster coming up everytime i hear bout girls from his sch or his team.whyyy.i dont even know. i really wished at this point in time nothing happened.and i didnt know him.initially he was the cute boy that knows me from tpjc.then it became the cute boy that asks me out for dinner.then the cute boy who asked me.then the fucking idiot that pissed me off and the break.really regretting it man.i dont even know how he feels or think.sometimes i feel really pissed off knowing he's flirting around after the breakup,then again i feel as tho everything can be changed if he only comes back.WTH.its irritating to know that fact.and that everyone else knew it before me.what a jackass you might say.but he's like i dunno,the cutest thing ever? haha.i contridict myself i know.at least i take comfort that we still talk.occasionally.rather than not talking at all.

i know i still have feelings for him.then again,i feel that im rebounding onto,let call him K.yeah.K's nice and all.haha.how can i be rebounding if i know i am.gosh.my heart's in a mess.=(

i hate guys,but i really really like him. (note: i didnt say love.)

i still dont know why i agreed to you.somehow i knew this would happened,and yet i still gave in.maybe cos i thought u would be different.i thought u aint the person people said you were.i thought i knew you.guess i was wrong.i wanted to end it early,but you said to give u another chance.there,i thought why not.i've put in effort.and u said u would.maybe it would work out just fine.guess not.you never really did want to put in any effort did you? it was just wishful thinking on my part aye ben? till now i never knew how you really felt.you never once told me.you said i didnt open up cos of my past relationship.you didnt let me.how am i suppose to tell all my thoughts and feelings to a person that doesnt bother,who puts down the phone whenever he wants.i gave in ALOT.thinking it'll be worth it.thank god i didnt give my whole heart away.it hurts.to know i've been used.we both know that alright.you said u wanted us to stay as friends,and asked me how you can do that.how am i suppose to answer that? do as you wish.apparently that is not talking at all.i did make the effort and stuff.you just didnt take it up.its one last cry,one last tear for you.goodbye.

you know.its greating talking to you and all.i dunno.somehow im just hoping u're returning the feeling.thou i know its kinda obvious u aint.sigh.i dunno.there's D and all.but its different.he's coming on too strongly.it kinda scares me away.you.YOU YOU YOU.i just hope i'll prove to be diff.

flashback

i think.
im a sucker for words.
thats bad.

i just hope that its a passing fad/interest/whatever-you-call-it. note i dont wanna use infactuation.

brings me back to sec 3 life.the confused stages.i prefer sec 4, where at least it was stable.i gotta admit, this year was a fucked up year for me. i remember 010106, "this year is gonna be a great year.i've got everything i want." HAHA in my face.lost afew things, gained afew more.you gotta lose to gain.i used to ask why cant things stay the way there were.woke up from that fantasy.its the real world baby, NOTHING ever stays the same.learnt it the hard way.i guess i did learn alot this year.people arent who u percieved to be.even if u know them for long.only a few people knows me well.its a safety thing for me.not to let anyone know me truly,but,basically i am who i am.i dont hide.i just dont show.if u think you know me well,good for you.i trust you.haha.i do know what is going around,just i dont show,or i dont bother.hints are there to be picked up.haha

the year in afew words.

tpjc,alphonso and group,the break-up,tpjc tennis,clement!,sajc,06s19,no.32,sajc touch rugby,frictions,ocip.

you had been there throughout.though things ended up the way they were,im glad and thankful.i've thanked God millions of times for you.sometimes i wonder why i thank him for that.haha.stupid boy,make me angry.though i made u angry many times too.sorry!

if u ever come across this.tell me u did.cos it will be fate